Phases of a Broken Heart

I don’t have a doctors degree, but I do have a heart.  We all suffer a little heartache from time to time. I have decided to put together a little article: 8 phases of a broken heart. Hopefully this helps and if you feel it won’t, it’s probably because you going through a breakup and no one knows how you feel. Fair enough. Maybe this will also remind those who don't suffer breakups so often, what their friends who do, suffer.


The actual break up.






WHOOP! THERE IT IS.

No matter how terrible it is hearing:
  • I think we need to break up 
  • I think we need to see other people
  • I think we need to take a break
  • I have met someone else

OR the ultimate 
  • it’s not you it’s me


...remember to first tell yourself that that person was lucky enough to be in your life, in the first place.
Then, find a safe place to cry. 


PHASE 01: Confusion
Now that you’re in a safe space, you probably have thousands of questions. This is normal, but whatever you do, DO NOT try and find the answers from the person who just broke your heart. Do not try to fight for your lost love. This person made the decision to walk out of your awesomeness.
Try and hold yourself together. Now turn around and walk the other direction.
As difficult as it is, clearly this person was not good enough for you! 


PHASE 02: Heartache
Shit, it’s almost as if someone has literally just taken a knife and stabbed you from all directions while grabbing your heart and twisting it as they rip out what’s left of it. 
Console yourself. Feel sorry for yourself.
You have all the right in the world to be miserable. Blast that sad music, let those tears rip and scream if you want to


PHASE 03: More Heartache
As much as we wish the pain will go away after the first round of misery… it just. simply. doesn’t. 
Simple things like the persons long lost sock, toothbrush, deodorant, jokes and places you went together, will all trigger immediate, uncontrollable tears at times. You do not have control over this. Some are blessed with unbelievable super powers to heal quickly and some don’t. 


PHASE 04: Loneliness


After all the tears will come the empty feeling. That feeling of numbness.
You can literally feel your heart ache from the pain.

My advice is to completely comfort yourself with whatever makes you happy, chocolates, teddies, friends and/or alcohol. By this point you are probably not worrying about what you will wear tomorrow. Try to distract yourself by choosing an outfit for the next day, every day, until you feel back to normal again. Don’t be bold about your outfit, because you aren’t in bold state right now. Pick out something comfortable (hoody + jeans = lifesaver).

During this time, you will feel as if no one cares. Your friends seem far away and your ex seems to be having the best time ever. Hopefully they not. Even though this person might have fallen out of love, going through a break up is never pleasant. If this person doesn’t feel any loss what so ever, then they will feel it at a later stage (hopefully) when you have moved on. If this person really does not feel any emotional loss, then it’s proven that this person was not the one for you. Harsh as it is, tell yourself that there is someone waaaaay better and try to forget about this one. 


PHASE 05: Dronk Verdriet


This famous Afrikaans saying basically means Drunk Sadness.
There will probably come a point when you will experience this (hopefully not).
You will cry. When I say cry, you will have that really ugly cry with snot and tears… everywhere.
Cry. Let it out, but try to do this at home. Don’t stay out. Go home. No one likes a party pooper. You will lose all your support. Be the better person you know you are. Imagine if your future potential person had to see you like this…
If it does/did happen, don’t be so tough on yourself considering you looked like a complete idiot.


PHASE 06: Drunk Texting


Eish.
Avoid avoid avoid. If it helps, there are apps available to avoid these mistakes, click here now.
No amount of alcohol, sad emoticons and song voice notes will bring your person back. 
Your phone will cry.
The best thing you can do is to avoid all communication with the person who broke your heart.  
Not hearing from you will probably cause the person to try and get hold of you.  You could receive drunk messages like:
  • I made a big mistake
  • I love you
  • I miss you

Do not fall for these drunken-sweet-nothing-apologies. Yes you can fix a broken vase, but the cracks will always show!


PHASE 07: Neglect + Abandonment + Rejection = Anger

If you are going through the anger phase, you will be pleased to know you are healing from the heartache. Be angry! Don’t go breaking things or faces, but allow the anger to pass. In return it will bring you to…


PHASE 08: Acceptance


This does not mean you need to forgive the person who broke your heart. No.
This just means you have accepted what has happened. Remember the good times and learn from the bad. Now is the time to get you out there again. If you are not comfortable with talking to strangers (which is not always safe), try out a dating app. Chat to a few weird and wonderful people, go out for coffee, drinks or dinner, but remember to get yourself out there.

If dating is not for you right now, join a hobby group or even start one. Try something new. This is the time you will get to know yourself all over again and recognise the person who will fit into your world… and visa versa.



Now go eat those chocolates, listen to sad music, watch the Notebook, read It’s called a breakup because it’s broken and get this person out of your system! GO!


Your welcome.


Claudia Jones

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